Late night grumbles

Originally Posted Monday, October 18, 2010

My brother just pisses me off. I know it shouldn’t matter to me, that people will see right through him and I won’t be judged on what he says or does, but I can’t help it. we share the same face; I can’t help but be angry with the way he drags himself and everyone else around him down. I can’t help but be furious with how he treats me & my mom, and even himself.

I hate how he makes such lame excuses to be lazy, no matter how small or easy the task. Dishes, garbage, cleaning HIS cat’s litter box… He tries to weasel his way out of any chore, no matter how much it’s a required part of day-to-day living. He lives in clutter and sometimes filth, expecting it to be cleaned by anyone but him. He has something he doesn’t want to deal with? He runs away and ignores it. His wife, his bills, everything.

I hate how he presumes to have authority he is not even close to having. The other day I bought some food that was meant just for me; it was important because I needed to have solid food to eat while I am in University. As I was marking the packages, he was pouring himself some cereal(that my mom, not he, had bought that same day) and said in a condescending tone, “Well, I guess you aren’t getting any cereal, then.”

I almost decked him.

How dare he decide who gets what food when he’s NOT PAID A CENT TOWARDS ANY OF IT!!! Even my mom ripped into him when she heard him say that. That’s a perfect example of the attitude he’s had for over 2 decades: the world belongs to him. He has NO sense of personal boundaries whatsoever.

After all the free rides he’s gotten over the years, it’s never enough. I have to work hard for everything I get; friendships, opportunities, extra pay; he expects and demands the same rewards for none of the work, and I end up getting shafted because of it; on top of that, he has the gall to bitch that I’m getting special treatment and tell people I’m a prick just because I am getting things he isn’t.

His sob-stories don’t match up in any way other than he’s the victim, and he just makes more when you catch him in his inconsistencies or insists you’re an idiot & not listening to him so he tries to bludgeon you verbally yet again with his miss-match stories. Any time I call him on overstepping his boundaries or authority, it’s “Oh, woe is me, no one loves me, everyone hates me” just because he can’t do whatever the fuck he wants whenever the fuck he wants to with whatever the fuck he wants. I’m sick of his poor attempts at guilt-trips and I’m sick of being the asshole in his little mental games.

I’m done. Shawn has created his own problems and I’m not bailing him out again. Once I’m moved out, I’m not dealing with him at all for the next few years. Helping him just gets me stressed out beyond what I can cope with and I’m not loosing my education because of him.

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