Sex, flirting, and being single

I’m getting sick & tired of flirting. To be more specific, I’m getting sick & tired of being single & getting flack that all starts from flirting.  Casual flirting bugs me now. I dunno when it changed for me, but I’m tired of the tease. As far as I’m concerned, if you have no interest whatsoever in sex or a relationship, then don’t flirt with me. This means I’m just not gonna be nearly as flirtatious as I used to be; there’s a lot of women I used to flirt with, even up until recently, that I either know I won’t be in a relationship with or have no desire to pursue a relationship with. I’m not just talking about verbal flirting, either. A few of my University friends recently had an “Anything But Clothes” party, and a couple weeks before, others had a “pants-less” party. I skipped both, even though I knew they were open invitation. I consider them flirting & teasing, and it’s just seeming mean. I’ve already started to turn away the few rare times a woman has flashed me or the friends I was with.

I just don’t see the point. Dressing sexy, sure; but why tease people showing flesh or saying things when nothing will come of it? To me, teasing is when you flirt etc. with no intention of following through; that pretty much covers 98% of the times people flirt with me. And it’s feeling like torture. Casual sex/friends with benefits just seems just as mean when i think about it. You’re teasing them by giving them a couple of times, then you stop. It’s like getting someone hooked to crack cocaine, then as soon as they’re addicted, you not only stop giving it to them, you prevent them from ever getting any of the type/brand/whatever of crack you were giving them.

Maybe I’m rare, because I actually want a steady, working, long-term relationship with a woman. I’ve been a shameless flirt for years, because I enjoy flirting; but I want only 1 woman to flirt with all my days. I want 1 woman to be pants-less with me. I want 1 woman to make slow, sweet love to as well as fuck senseless. For years & years, people keep telling me & showing me that to find a relationship, flirting is key; but over the years, I’m finding that I’ve been mislead. Flirting is great when in a relationship; but building a lasting one needs to start elsewhere; if you’re gonna be waking up beside someone well into your wrinkle years, you need it to be someone you can get along with; someone you can be friends with. That’s why so many romance movies & stories have the husband refer to his wife as his “best friend”. Because she is. Well, I’m finding that women I’m friends with & attracted to don’t want that from me, even when they flirt, because i’m in the “friends zone”. Yet at the same time, women I flirt with don’t want the solid relationship I’m looking for because they “just want to have fun”; they want a disposable relationship based on infatuation. And I’m getting sick & tired of the whole pile of steaming shit.

From now on, I’m going to endeavor to be more mindful of my flirting. As in working on cutting it out entirely with anyone I’m not seriously interested in a relationship with. I’m going to work harder on, possibly through faking that I’m oblivious, shooting down any woman’s attempt to flirt with me that doesn’t seem like she’s seriously interested or that I’m not interested in. I’m gonna talk to a couple good friends, that I know flirt with me with no intention of following through with an attempt at a relationship, and tell them politely to cut it out because it really isn’t fun for me after all. If I flirt with you, it’s because I’m honestly curious on exploring the possibilities of more than flirting.

This is going to be tough for me to accomplish, because I have a very dirty mind, and there are friends of mine I admit I am attracted to; sometimes something will pop into my head as a reaction to something they’ve said or done, and right now I’m not sure how to cope with those things; my OCD demands I blurt it out, my manners demand I keep it inside. I’m not going to always win that battle, regardless of which side wins.

Also, while it’s on my mind, too…. What’s the average length of time after a break-up that a man should wait before having sex with another woman? Not a relationship, I mean just sex for the sake of getting laid. 1 month? 2? 3? 6? Really, I wanna know. Because I’ve had people tell me one thing, then woman who want to get back together with me tell me I’m an ass for not waiting 3 or 4 times that long, then drop me all over again in a huff. Ok, I’m going to vent like a Neanderthal for a moment here…. *ahem* Bitch, you’re the one who told me it was done & ditched! How dare you get in my face because I decided to bang someone else to ease the pain when you didn’t even want to give me the time of day! You didn’t want me, you threw me away; what I did to cope & with who & when is none of your damn business! Don’t throw me through the shredder then expect me to wait all year in hopes you’ll change your mind & want me back! If you wanted me to not be fucking other women, then you should never have thrown me away like garbage!

Ok, I think that’s out of my system now. But seriously, ladies, why are you bitching out these guys for having casual sex more than a month after you abandon them & leave? Why are you so hurt that he banged another chick when you decided you didn’t want him banging you? Now, if he banged your best friend less than 6 months after the break-up, you have a legitimate point. But if you’ve even skipped town, you’ve lost the right to hold it against him. Ever. Period. The moment you say, “It’s over, I’m done, I’m leaving you” etc. and move out or leave town, you have no right to lay any emotional claim to anything he does, whether it’s positive or negative, no matter when he does it.  And don’t you dare use the “if he forgets me so quickly, he never cared” bullshit. If he gets into a new relationship less than a month after you’re gone, then you have a point; but if he just has casual sex with some random woman, trust me; he’s probably imagining its you. Here’s the lyrics to one of my favorite Garth Brooks songs; it captures the frame of mind perfectly:

The girl at the bar she bought me a beer 
And shed like to know if I’m new around here 
And the gal that I danced with says shes all alone
Her friends have all left and she needs a ride home 

Oh and there have been others who gave me the eye 
But if they only knew they were wasting their time 
Cause theres only one lover I can give my heart to 
But you didn’t want it and you broke it in two 

(So tell me) which one of them will be you tonight 
Oh which one will hold me in your arms so tight 
I’ve forgotten whats wrong, given up on what’s right
(Tell me) which on of them will be you tonight 

So I’ll just smile and pretend and she’ll never know
Who she’s up against when she’s holdin’ me close 
You’re all that I want, girl, you’re all that I need 
And when I close my eyes, honey you’re all I see 

(So tell me) which one of them will be you tonight 
Oh which one will hold me in your arms so tight 
I’ve forgotten whats wrong, given up on what’s right
(Tell me) which on of them will be you tonight

When you throw a guy away, they don’t just sit there moping & wishing for you back for years on end; they try to fill the void while wishing for you back. Girls aren’t the only ones that get hurt & want payback when they’re rejected. Beyonce had this song:

Pretty clear message, eh? Guess what: Guys feel that way, too, when they’re dumped. Don’t expect them to not do anything about it for weeks to months, either. If you want the guy to wait around for you, tell him; don’t expect him to, though. If you’re using how long he waits as a “test” of his love for you, then be ready to be sorely disappointed; we don’t do your bullshit “tests”. That’s head-games, and head games aren’t love. You wanna prove your love, then don’t do bullshit tests, and if you & he are broken up, don’t even think you can hold anything he does with anyone else against him.

If you’re together, you’re together; if you’re not, there’s no rules. Yes, that means you can go out & fuck around too; don’t expect him to like it, either, but he can’t hold it against you any more than you can hold it against him.

I’m going to bed; next time I need to talk about “breaks” and “the party years”. Those concepts are pissing me off right now, too.

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