Doggy-paddling the waters of life

I feel the need for a confession or two this morning.

I don’t actually want to be a Psychologist. Being a doctor of any kind has never been a dream of mine. I respect them, and admire their dedication to their field, but I’ve never felt it was what I was meant to do with my life. The amount of money it costs, the time that would have to be sacrificed, the high standards I’d have to be slaving to meet in an education system that teaches in a way that’s nearly opposite to how I learn best…

So why am I pursuing a Ph.D. in Psychology? Because of a few reasons. 1) it will allow me to help people who really need it. ) when I talk about the subject of relationships & how people treat one another, people will actually take me seriously instead of telling me I don’t know a damn thing. 3) MONEY: it will bring me a high enough income that I will never have to worry about starving or paying rent or anything like I do right now. 4) MONEY: it will allow me to fund my real dream. 5) MONEY: it will give me a big enough income to be able to support a family, regardless of whether my future wife works or not (like if she goes on maternity leave).

But I have to be honest. It’s not really what I want. It’s not really what I wanted for my life and my career. It’s not my dream. I can’t have my dream; not without going a totally different direction first and pursuing something I don’t want. I’ve even gotten to where I don’t really talk about my dream much any more. I used to talk about it with anyone who wanted to hear; but my ex room mate liked my dream so much, he’s started trying to steal it for himself. And after 8 years of working to make my dream a reality and not really getting even an inch closer, I’m loosing hope. People have offered to help in little ways, but to see my dream become real, the things they can’t help with are often the things I need the most help with. And, honestly, now that I’ve been forced to take a year off from university by circumstances brought about by my choice to move to Vancouver, I’m…

Well, I’m totally lost.


One thought on “Doggy-paddling the waters of life

  1. So maybe a year’s break from studies is a good thing for right now. Maybe just do what it take to keep your head above water, float/rest when you can, and give yourself time to ponder: what do you really want in life? We all go through these patches, BTW, so don’t despair. Just God giving you the chance to tweak the flight path…

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