Drawing the line, painful or not

Today I had to do something very hard for me. I made a hard decision to block a guy I’ve wanted to consider a friend for a long time. I’d gotten frustrated and blocked him before, but a few weeks back I unblocked him because I felt that originally I might have been over-reacting and just needed some time not talking to him to get myself sorted. But today, I just found that he and I share very different worldviews that are extremely opposed to each other, to the point that his is toxic to me.

It all started when he re-shared a video that claimed to disprove Solar Roadways as something that could work. The friend of his he re-shared from ended up getting into an argument with me, telling me that because I found a lot of the video info to be based on assumptions and conjecture rather than facts, I was an idiot and the video was proof in and of itself. Then he proceeded to keep demanding repeatedly that I prove to him that it works. Excuse me? why should I prove that an experimental prototype technology is functional and meets all that they claimed it would? Dude, it’s not done being developed yet! Of course it’s not yet meeting all their claims, because they’re still building it! 

But what really got me was the arrogant, self-centered attitude this guy had that he was right, the tech was bogus, and if I could not prove right there that it works, then the world had to accept that it’s a scam. Talk about narcissism. I’d finally had enough of talking to this prick and just blocked him. His attitude was selfish, destructive, and toxic.

I then had a weird feeling and went with it; I asked my friend, the one who re-shared the video in the first place, if he held this guy’s opinions in high regard. Apparently, the asshole was one of my buddies “best friends” who has a degree in electrical systems. Based on the specific way he phrased it, I’m guessing a bachelor’s degree. Then my friend told me I was bashing my head against a brick wall of “knowledge.” A degree in electrical systems? Then how can he be so ignorant about the level and quality of the technology being used, or in the fact that the couple making it both hold Masters Degrees in Electrical Engineering? And employ several other engineers with Masters and Bachelors degrees to help develop these things? If he’s got so much knowledge, then why is he not offering to help fix the flaws he’s bitching about? 

My friend didn’t get it. He just had no clue why I was upset about the debate. It wasn’t about the technology. It was about the self-serving and destructive attitude. It was how the guy cared more about proving that he was right and the tech didn’t work than he cared about doing something to make it work. It was how the guy was only interested in ripping the developers, and anyone else who had faith in the project, down. It was how he couldn’t offer a shred of factual proof that he was right, yet demanded that I show proof I’m right.

I told my friend that he wasn’t getting it.

He said no he wasn’t, and he didn’t care.

That sealed it. That was the nail in the coffin. It’s been proven on psychology that the 5 people you associate with most are the people you become most like. I know the kind of person I want to be; and apathetically self-centered is not one of them. I blocked him before because too many times he would disagree with something that’s actually been proven to be a psychological fact, because he was constantly getting pissy and ripping down posts I shared that were purely and blatantly comedic but he treated them as if they were serious, and because he has insisted on multiple occasions that he used to be a gentleman and could be if he tried but he wanted to be an asshole. I mean he literally said that he would rather be an asshole and hated than be a gentleman and respected. That’s so very much not the kind of person I want to be, or the kind of person I want influencing my life. He’s a self-proclaimed gun-toting redneck idiot, and while he admits it’s a bad thing to be, brags that it’s what he is.

That’s not a kind of person I can be close to enough to call “friend.”

I need friends who are constructive; not destructive. Friends who want to make the world better, not simply bitch about what’s wrong or tear the world down and burn it. Friends who actually care. I’d known this guy for a couple years, and sometimes he seems to be the kind of white knight or Paladin he loved to play as in gaming, but other times he seemed the complete opposite. I had thought we were good friends and that he shared some of the same ideals I did; but as time has been going on, I’ve more and more found he just doesn’t; he’s grown more angry and selfish and self-abusive over time, despite my best attempts to encourage otherwise. It hurts that I tried so much to trust him, only to find that trust means nothing to him and that he prefers people in his life that match his own destructive attitudes and mindsets. It doesn’t matter how much I care; I can’t let that kind of attitude damage me. 

Not again.

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Those who say it cannot be done…

Today I got into a bit of a disagreement with someone online about Solar Roadways, when a buddy of mine shared a video claiming they are “busted” and fictional. For those who have never heard of them, here’s the info video:

Personally, I think they are an amazing idea and the tech is sound. Since that video was first made, they raised almost $3,000,000 for the second prototype experiment phase of creating a solar roadways parking lot; that’s 3x more than they were asking for.

But this post isn’t actually about Solar Roadways.

It’s about naysayers and trolls. The video claiming to “debunk” the technology claims that they’re fiction, but gives only assumptions and uses obsolete tech information to claim they can’t work. Except technology is not static; it is evolving faster and faster, way faster than even society’s ability to morally and ethically keep up with. So if tech is improving at such a high rate, how does claiming old tech can’t do it have any bearing on the new tech they’re using, which can do it?

And more importantly, why waste our time like that? Are you trying to convince the world to scrap it? Why would you even want to? Are you being bought out by oil companies to make false claims that it’s bogus?

“Those who say it cannot be done better get out of the way of those doing it.” Just because something hasn’t been done, doesn’t mean it never can. If you say it’s a great idea ans you wish it could really happen, then prove it; do something to make it happen. Either get onboard and help find ways to make it work, or just shut up, because it’s getting done with or without you. Trying to argue why something will fail doesn’t help it succeed; if you say it’s great then turn around and point out all the reasons it will “never” work, you’re a liar and a troll. You lied when you said it’s a great idea that you wish could be real, and you’re a troll by just trying to tear it down. Either way, keep it up and you simply won’t exist to me anymore.

~clicks block button~

The real meaning of “Embrace where you are”

Good Rules to FollowI found this image on Google+ today and I really like it, but something about point #5 really struck me. It struck me enough that I want to share my thoughts on it. It’s a lesson I’ve been forgetting, and I guess I needed this to remind and inspire me today.

5. Embrace the place where you are.

THis is great advice, but I find a lot of people misinterpret what this means. All too often, people assume that figuratively embracing the place where they are in their lives means to settle in where they are, love where their lives are at no matter how dysfunctional or damaging, and never change or grow or develop further. This couldn’t be further from the truth of the statement. Embracing where you are means accepting where you are at right now and the direction you are working towards, rather than letting where you are be an excuse to beat yourself up or wallow in negative emotions and thoughts.

You are where you are, whether because of choices you made in the past or trials thrown into your life, and you can’t snap your fingers and magically not be in the life you’re in. Embrace it and accept it for what it is. There’s lessons to learn and foundations to build. If you want something different, then do something different, but don’t just try to run away from your life; build a better one. Live in the here and now, day by day, but use that day by day to build the foundation of a better life. It will do no good to focus so hard on the future that you neglect taking the steps that are in front of you that are needed to make that future happen, jsut as it will do no good to live in the here and now if you do nothing with it but let it slip by and be wasted. Have a direction, have goals; but focus on what you can do right now, not on how far you have to go or where you aren’t yet.

Thoughts and grumbles over morning Chai – 001

You know, there’s 2 things bugging me this morning about society. Don’t ask me why they popped in my head today as I enjoy my morning chai, they just did. 

1) People who, instead of giving their personal opinion, try to make their opinion a universal truth everyone else is supposed t believe (eg. “she’s ugly,” “he’s boring” instead of “I don’t find her attractive,” or “his interests don’t appeal to me”)

2) People who freak out when *I* try giving my personal opinion and are assuming I’m making a judgment call or being prejudice. (eg. “I am not as attracted to darker skinned women” gets met with “Racist!” or “I don’t find most body piercings appealing” gets met with “you’re repressing my right to express myself!”)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and everything has at least some kind of beauty. There’s as many different kinds of beauty as there are stars in the sky or people who have lived and died throughout all of human history. 

So to tell someone they’re ugly just because you think they are not the kind of beauty you find appealing is total bullshit, and to tell me that I’m not allowed to have my own tastes that differ from yours is equally bullshit. You’re welcome to find someone covered head to toe in piercings and tattoos to be incredibly beautiful and artistic. And I’m welcome to find it a little disturbing, even if artistic. I’m not telling people not to do it just because I say I don’t find it appealing. Do whatever you want, your idea of beautiful is no less valid than mine – but remember, your idea of beauty is YOURS. It does not have to be mine, and you don’t have the right to make false accusations about my integrity just because you and I disagree due to having totally different artistic tastes.

That said, just because you might find someone excessively obese or dangerously anorexic to be beautiful does not mean it’s right to tell them it’s healthy and right; beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yes, but health is health, and promoting both mental and physical illness is just plain harmful and dangerous. Beauty should be encouraged to be preserved, and encouraging obesity or anorexia is the opposite of that. It’s totally okay to be a little curvy/plump or a little thin, but obesity and anorexia are not “curvy” and “thin.” They are taking those too far into extremes and have become health issues. When I use the word “fat,” I don’t talk about a person’s appearance; I am talking about a part of the human body, and everyone needs a certain minimum level of body fat to maintain basic health, the trick is not letting that ratio go out of balance, either too much or too little, and though the threshold of what is too much or too little is different for each person, there’s still a universal range everyone should stick to.