Today I had to do something very hard for me. I made a hard decision to block a guy I’ve wanted to consider a friend for a long time. I’d gotten frustrated and blocked him before, but a few weeks back I unblocked him because I felt that originally I might have been over-reacting and just needed some time not talking to him to get myself sorted. But today, I just found that he and I share very different worldviews that are extremely opposed to each other, to the point that his is toxic to me.
It all started when he re-shared a video that claimed to disprove Solar Roadways as something that could work. The friend of his he re-shared from ended up getting into an argument with me, telling me that because I found a lot of the video info to be based on assumptions and conjecture rather than facts, I was an idiot and the video was proof in and of itself. Then he proceeded to keep demanding repeatedly that I prove to him that it works. Excuse me? why should I prove that an experimental prototype technology is functional and meets all that they claimed it would? Dude, it’s not done being developed yet! Of course it’s not yet meeting all their claims, because they’re still building it!
But what really got me was the arrogant, self-centered attitude this guy had that he was right, the tech was bogus, and if I could not prove right there that it works, then the world had to accept that it’s a scam. Talk about narcissism. I’d finally had enough of talking to this prick and just blocked him. His attitude was selfish, destructive, and toxic.
I then had a weird feeling and went with it; I asked my friend, the one who re-shared the video in the first place, if he held this guy’s opinions in high regard. Apparently, the asshole was one of my buddies “best friends” who has a degree in electrical systems. Based on the specific way he phrased it, I’m guessing a bachelor’s degree. Then my friend told me I was bashing my head against a brick wall of “knowledge.” A degree in electrical systems? Then how can he be so ignorant about the level and quality of the technology being used, or in the fact that the couple making it both hold Masters Degrees in Electrical Engineering? And employ several other engineers with Masters and Bachelors degrees to help develop these things? If he’s got so much knowledge, then why is he not offering to help fix the flaws he’s bitching about?
My friend didn’t get it. He just had no clue why I was upset about the debate. It wasn’t about the technology. It was about the self-serving and destructive attitude. It was how the guy cared more about proving that he was right and the tech didn’t work than he cared about doing something to make it work. It was how the guy was only interested in ripping the developers, and anyone else who had faith in the project, down. It was how he couldn’t offer a shred of factual proof that he was right, yet demanded that I show proof I’m right.
I told my friend that he wasn’t getting it.
He said no he wasn’t, and he didn’t care.
That sealed it. That was the nail in the coffin. It’s been proven on psychology that the 5 people you associate with most are the people you become most like. I know the kind of person I want to be; and apathetically self-centered is not one of them. I blocked him before because too many times he would disagree with something that’s actually been proven to be a psychological fact, because he was constantly getting pissy and ripping down posts I shared that were purely and blatantly comedic but he treated them as if they were serious, and because he has insisted on multiple occasions that he used to be a gentleman and could be if he tried but he wanted to be an asshole. I mean he literally said that he would rather be an asshole and hated than be a gentleman and respected. That’s so very much not the kind of person I want to be, or the kind of person I want influencing my life. He’s a self-proclaimed gun-toting redneck idiot, and while he admits it’s a bad thing to be, brags that it’s what he is.
That’s not a kind of person I can be close to enough to call “friend.”
I need friends who are constructive; not destructive. Friends who want to make the world better, not simply bitch about what’s wrong or tear the world down and burn it. Friends who actually care. I’d known this guy for a couple years, and sometimes he seems to be the kind of white knight or Paladin he loved to play as in gaming, but other times he seemed the complete opposite. I had thought we were good friends and that he shared some of the same ideals I did; but as time has been going on, I’ve more and more found he just doesn’t; he’s grown more angry and selfish and self-abusive over time, despite my best attempts to encourage otherwise. It hurts that I tried so much to trust him, only to find that trust means nothing to him and that he prefers people in his life that match his own destructive attitudes and mindsets. It doesn’t matter how much I care; I can’t let that kind of attitude damage me.